MY EVERYTHING.

2006-07-03T10:12:00.000+08:00

2006-06-30T18:09:00.000+08:00

shed the fragments,
and let it scatter
into the unrelenting expanses of distant horizon
like myriad stars,
which no human can ever number.

2006-05-25T21:47:00.000+08:00

take a twist, and another turn.

twirls and swirls, you thrill.

simple splendors, pleasant times.

i still remember, i still do.

it's just the wonder of soaking the sun in;

running about like empty-vessel kids.

walk down in that joy,

don't underestimate me, because;

i believe in God, that a little bit,

with that big piece of a heart,

can move mountains.

-SHERYL!

that was so sweet of her. her form of encouragement for my up-coming chinesse papers. whoo! all of sudden, it's so so near. really hope i'll be able to get something that i'll be happy with. once again, i'll like to thank that small thing of mine. that was really nice of you. I LOVE YOU! (:

2006-05-24T21:14:00.000+08:00

whoo. today's basketball games were so so fun. it has been for centuries since i last played in the march holidays! my shooting sucks now; guess i really need to put in more effort. so glad that the passion i once had for bball is back! Passion drives us and makes us better at what we do! Not that it is was ever gone, just that we dedicated ourselves to other things happening around us. but this is when a u-turn comes in! i cant wait for more games. especially at sk. hah!

2006-05-20T22:28:00.000+08:00

dont tell me that you understand
dont tell me that you know.
dont tell me that i will survive,
how i will surely grow.
dont come at me with answers
that can only come from me,
dont tell me how my grief will pass
that i will soon be free.
dont stand in pious judgement
of the bonds i must untie
dont tell me how to suffer,
dont tell me how to cry.

2006-05-13T19:11:00.000+08:00

maybe from the start, i never knew you well. all along, i thought we were close, i thought i understand. but now, you're a changed person; no longer who you used to be. its so insecure being close to you. i seriously dont know what's on your mind; i cant figure out your thoughts. i thought i've seen your worst side, but i never knew it was not all. maybe you'll never realise, but the drifting apart is inevitable.

Be it the path to happiness
Or the road to ruin
The highs and lows of our life
It is we and we alone
Who plot our own destinies

2006-05-11T16:32:00.000+08:00

everything is just not smooth for me. am failing badly for mid year. AHHHH!
'seeing you in that shirt brought back alot of memories. really hope that it has been a great chapter in your life.

maybe im not alright, but what more can i do.

2006-05-10T09:56:00.000+08:00

EXAMS ARE FINALLY OVER!

8th May was a wonderful day. :DD i couldnt believe what i saw. but it was my source of motivation, to study for a maths that's coming up the folllowing day. the indescribable feeling, the unspeakable joy! HAH!

it has been so long since we last commented on ahem-hem. well, at least my attitude towards you is not that bad anymore. maybe sometimes we can talk, and act like it's still the same as before. but dont you feel weird. we dont even seem like we're friends anymore-so distant. but you didnt care. hope that you're surviving fine.

2006-04-24T16:27:00.000+08:00

Maybe it’s about not wanting to let go

These floods of memories

About places and times and such

And without a delete button

They are forever being rekindled.

Perhaps these tortured memories are an assurance

Of those places and people and times and such

Had indeed existed and not misleading.

But there is no comfort in them

Without the smiles that touch my soul.

2006-04-22T18:57:00.000+08:00

missed an ingredient in the recipe of life and cookies burned.

2006-04-17T15:39:00.000+08:00

i really want to give up. sometimes its just out of my control. maybe there was something i could do, but i didnt. and now its all too late. what's the point.

i think about it often. i dont know what i am doing. well, maybe its really not your fault. im contradicting. but really, im sorry.

Guilt has a good side. It is the thing that tells us we messed up. We feel guilty because we are guilty. But guilt has a bad side too — lots of bad sides, actually. We can hold on to it long after we’ve been forgiven. It can be an excuse for inaction — a reason not to grow and accept responsibility for our mistakes and move on.

im barely hanging on.

2006-04-04T20:01:00.000+08:00

Unless you embrace the process of change you will not grow. All significant change begins when you make the choice to dismantle the weights of life that hinder you from achieving your dreams. Those weights come in different forms – wrong relationships, laziness, procrastination, negative attitudes, mediocrity, stagnation, apathy, and more. Letting go of these weights is not exciting, but the rewards of doing so definitely are.

Positive change is not automatic. Change is a DECISION. It’s not an easy task, but those who make the choice never regret it. Once you decide what you want and who you want to become, relentlessly pursue the necessary change.

2006-03-24T23:58:00.000+08:00

i just had a ~~exs~~ video with my mummy. cool shit.(:

haha. am at zhiying's place now. and its like 12.04am and we're still not home. we have a crazy idiot called elizabeth tan behind us and she cant stop reading some shit in her stupid slang. was suppose to go chill at ice cube after dinner. but the freaking irritating OWNER just had to spoil our night. we waited so long for seats outside and in the end, he just gave our seats away to other people. what the hell. just because we are young kids and that all he cared about was to make money. WHATEVER.

2006-03-22T21:31:00.000+08:00

school's started. got back some papers. mid year is drawing closer and closer. its like we're going to be tested on everything. including sec three work. i dont want to count down to mid year. but shit. i NEED to. tsk.
have been talking to smallthing qutite alot recently. sam and smallthing actually 'analysed' my character. they came out with this: 'we think that you are an interesting person before we know you. we thought you are friendly, but you're not exactly friendly. and you seem to keep everything to yourself. people will tell you things but you wont tell them yours.' hahs. quite amused and amazed by that. heh.

sometimes i just cannot stand you. i just want to irritate you. whatever. i dont know what to do to you. wake up,wont you? FREAK. isnt this obvious enough for you?
im missing you. just a little.

2006-03-16T21:54:00.000+08:00

im tired.

im burnt.

i need to start on my homework.

i need to learn my words for spelling bee.

i need more bballing sessions. (:

2006-03-12T12:15:00.000+08:00

THURS: went RM with kendra. ate and talk. about all the changes around. the ones that chose to hide, to pretend, to act like they dont know. anyway, we got jacq's cake. headed back to school and then to compass. kendra and i sat down at macs to help do tricia's homework. went to get jacq's watch and left.

FRI: had our sports meet. and yes, thanks to DYAN LAI, i got to help and i got my official shirt. though it wasnt as nice as last year's. being a time keeper isn't as easy as it sounds. was damn tired by the end of the entire thing. headed down to gardens with RYL, MADDY, RACH WEE AND ATHIRAH. athirah left first. then we stayed to talk and crap. haha. left gardens at ten plus.

SAT: had cgm. went town to meet SMALLTHING, MADDY AND WEE. did maddy a bigbigbig favour. haha. and she just cant stop smiling. had so much fun at art friend. and the other shop where they had all the cool musical box. its damn unique lah. went starbucks and i helped wee made a 'all-in-one' drink. haha. crapped till ten plus. took a train home with SMALLTHING. you guys really made my day. :D

2006-03-04T20:01:00.000+08:00

cell group multiplied. im back to where i came from-W154. multiplication was totally expected. but a transfer out was the real shocking thing. hai. had a great time in N290, but didnt really get to know them well. and now, we're in different cell groups already.

hmms. even though we're back with elyn, back with 154, but now, kinda missing the 290 and 101 people. hai. think we really got to adjust. to be together with the ij people. (:

2006-03-01T20:45:00.000+08:00

my gosh. im so shocked lah. cant believe that you think the way. so much for being a BEST FRIEND, jamie. why is it that all of you think that way? im really not lying. im sorry, but you're so wrong lah! TSK.

im starting to wonder. what's so good about you. you're nothing more than a two-faced hypocrite. trying to act nice and all? it doesnt work that way. i hope you'll get your retribution soon. i despise you. and im not the only one that thinks that way.

2006-02-27T20:04:00.000+08:00

english periods are nothing but test and more test. we should be prepared. but isn't it too early. its so weird. having test like every other day! ive been failing badly for everything. its so depressing lah! but im not going to let myself worry for the next hundreds of days until O's. :D

i dont know who to believe, whose side to be on. it seems weird nowadays. what's happening. dont you think she has a right to defend herself? maybe it is all a misunderstanding. ive heard so many things. all the mean things you've said and done. sometimes i feel that you've change as well. is it really true that time changes everything?

that forced smile.
it hurts me.

2006-02-23T21:30:00.000+08:00

i really studied. with sheryl and her friend at skcc today. for ss. limpy, you ought to be proud of me. your beloved student whom you called a clown. whatever lar. studying is a got-life thing.((: i flunk all my recent tests. including my a maths. ahhh! exams are SO near. gosh. a nightmare come true. i want to concentrate in my studies. totally. and i mean it.

yesterday went down to hougang stadium after my sure-fail a maths ct2. jacq came in 1st for her event and zhiying came in 2nd for hers! so proud of them lah. :D going gym with zhiying this sat. better come in first next week k! after the heats cabbed down to the bball court near my place. bballed with KENDRA, ANNA, SHERYL AND SNG quite funny and entertaining. with that sweaty wetty blue guy and the robotic white guy with ugly and exaggerated actions. hey, the score was quite near yeah. hahs! bballing is fun. at least when you people are not around. that's what made it fun.((:

all i've forgotten help me to find
all that you've promised let it be in my life.

2006-02-21T17:12:00.000+08:00

Last night I took a walk in the snow
Couples holdin hands, places to go
Seems like everyone but me is in love
Santa can you hear me?
I signed my letter that I sealed with kiss
I sent it off, it just said this:
"i know exactly what I want this year"
Santa can you hear me?
I want my baby, baby
I want someone to love me, someone to hold
Maybe maybe
He’ll be all my own in a big red bow
Santa can you hear me?
I have been so good this year
And all I want is one thing
Tell me my true love is here
He’s all I want, just for me
Underneath my christmas tree
I’ll be waiting here
Santa that’s my only wish this year.

2006-02-15T16:23:00.000+08:00

valentines day was great.
love all the gifts.
esp the hand-made stuffs.
:D

ive sorted things out.
im not going to lose my focus.
why think so much
when its not necessary.
its just a waste of time.
when ive got so much to worry about,
and to improve on.

i NEED to:
do something about my studies;
be a good role model;
be on time;
and the list goes on.
i dont want my life to be full of regrets.

there's something in your eyes
something in your smile
something in the way you move me.

wide-eyed wanderer
search no longer
the light burns bright in you.

2006-02-06T17:24:00.000+08:00

whatever shit.
i dont want it anymore.
it seriously SUCKS.
i dont need empty promises.
why does this ALWAYS happen.
at the most inappropriate moment.
you mean nothing to me.
i dont need your concern.
i dont wanna think about you.
you'll never know what im feeling.
cause you never bothered,
never cared.
wont you just get out of my sight.
im feeling out of place.
everywhere.
cause you simply suck.

2006-01-27T17:57:00.000+08:00

i'll never eat anymore lollipops.

today is graciousuayday.

2006-01-20T23:10:00.000+08:00

Bare feet tickled by the powdery sand
Pressing footprints along the shore
A vain attempt to leave a testament
That I walked this path before
My face on the water
Wrinkles with the tide
And vanishes from the ocean's silver screen
Like stars sprinkled in the sky
Forgotten when the sun appears
Will you remember me.

2006-01-13T18:33:00.000+08:00

I try to smile my tears away
I try to keep my cool
Oh but one more door gets in my way
I feel like such a fool
Trampled and bitter
My heart just wants to bleed and stop
Believing in me

You keep me flying
You keep me smiling
You keep me safe in a crazy world
You understand me
Embrace my fragility.

2005-12-18T01:23:00.000+08:00

thanks for everything:
for all those who message me;
for all those who wrote me a testi;
waisum for that e card;
christi for that sweet email;
yujun for being so sweet;
sabrina for always thinking of me and for your present!;
clara for that shirt;
vivian for the super nice pooh bear;
cg for your card and cup with lollipops and spoon;
the 12 of you for the nice top;
the five of you who went down for dinner;
the four of you that stayed to talk;
and the two of you who kept me companied till the last minute of 17th december!
thanks!! :D

2005-11-16T14:11:00.000+08:00

i'm suffering from cockroach-phobia. big time.

2005-11-09T22:15:00.000+08:00

You're my honeybunch sugarplum
Pumpy-umpy-umpkin
You're my sweetie pie
You're my cuppycake
Gumdrop Snoogums Boogums
You're the apple of my eye
And I love you so and
I want you to know
That I'll always be right here
And I love to sing this song to you
Because you are so dear!

-you are forgotten-(:

2005-11-01T14:56:00.000+08:00

HEYS.
HAPPY BLESSED BIRTHDAY SABRINA!
REALLY APPRECIATE YOU BEING THERE ALL THESE YEARS.
EVEN THOUGH WE DON'T REALLY KNOW EACH OTHER THAT WELL.
I KNOW I'M BEING CARED OF!
HAHS. REALLY WISHING YOU ANOTHER HAPPY AND SMOOTH YEAR AHEAD!
LOVING YOU ALWAYS!

2005-10-14T11:04:00.000+08:00

yeah. exams over and enjoying six days of holidays. leave the part of worrying for results for later. went to a chalet at aranda from tues to thurs. super fun. it was big and we had 'nice' neighbours. hahahas.

tuesday. went polar's house to share her burden in carrying all the food. then cab down. checked in. packed and played cards. kathy and i thought them bridge. left chalet at 6 and went PM. after that went town at ten plus. went to visit uncle chikos then went eat macs. took the last train to pasir ris and walk back. lols. stayed until 5 then fell asleep.

wednesday. was a sad day for alot of people. oh crap. woke up at 9 plus. played cards and majong till 12 plus 1 went to play bball with uobs. went back to chalet to prepare to start fire. had bbq. went to the beach at 11 plus. went back to play majong and cards. 'played' with our nieghbours. shouting across. hahahahs. ate ate and ate while playing cards. slept at five plus.

thursday. woke up, packed, checked out. wanted to press our neighbours doorbell but checked out at the same time. so saw each other. lols. went for breakfast. then went arcade. fun fun. then went tampines and left for home. slept from 4 to 11. woke up for dinner. and slept again. hahs.

conclusion. fun in chalet. big and nice. hahs. bball was fun.(:

2005-09-02T22:54:00.000+08:00

went to watch the maid with eliz, sam and zhiying on wednesday. so super funny. hahs. the show was very nice i think. when the bad couple died in the end, everyone in the cinema was like cheering. what a scene. the more funny thing was that after the movie, we went to pacific to pee. so we went up to the 2nd floor toilet. we were walking and talking towards the toilet and when we were about to go in, sam suddenly stopped. the toilet door was closing closely with a squeeky sound. eliz stopped. zhiying and me stopped. all of us ran out and screamed our way out. so stupid! hahs. cause it reminded us of a scene in the maid! it was funny yet freaky. hahs. there was also this couple sitting on the bench near the toilet so when they saw us running out screaming, they actually went to check it out. lols! so we just went to the third level toilet. hahs.

thursday went tanning at sentosa. was dared to do the aces' day thing in front of all. furthermore must do like ahem ahem. so malu. hahs. at night when to watch one more chance movie premier. 7 was the reception. got sakae! malcolm was eating like he was starved for days. [esp the sushi] hahs. i also ate loads. hees. the movie was al-rights. not that fantastic but still, al-rights. after that cab home with doreen and my bro. so tired. slept at one plus two. so decided to pon school with eliz. but the next day, she went without me! ahh! hahs. but its ok, i've got more sleep at home.(: hahs. but i cant get back my progress report! wonder what sweet comments thiru will give this time round.

2005-07-27T20:34:00.001+08:00

ok. ive got loads to post today. let me put the important stuff in front. read this purpose driven life devotion today. let me copy and paste some.
"We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, but not driven to despair. We are hunted down, but never abandoned by God. We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed. When bad things start happening to us, we think something went wrong with our faith. Not necessarily, in fact, its an honor to think that your faith is worthy of being tested. Its a reverse spiritual principle that nonetheless is true: we get beaten down so that Christ might rise in us. As it is, God wants people to be surprised at us, not so much impressed, surprised that we can keep on believing, given what has happened to us. Surprised at us, impressed with God. Thats the way it should go. Troubles, confusions, knock-downs and drag-outs, are all to be expected in a life of faith, and they are not just something to suck it up and endure, they are what will actually release the power of God in our lives. We encounter death like experiences so that Christs lifelike nature may clearly be seen in us, despite what is happening. This is not just endurance training through toughtimes. This is Gods strategy for ministry through us. He had this planned all along."
Wow. its really encouraging for me.
Anyway, yesterday after school, went eliz place to cook. it was super fun and satisfying. im her assistant in picking up her phone and shes my assistant when it comes to cooking! we went cold storage and got all the food needed. by the time we reached her place, it was 4 plus 5 liao. we then bolied the potatoes and marinated the minced pork. then, we started cooking the pasta sauce. after the potato boils, we went to cook the marcaroni and went on mashing the potato. then we added the minced pork into the potato. after which the marcaroni was cooked, we added the pasta sauce to it. it was extremely nice. [dont forget im the chief!] hahx. then while enjoying the marcaroni, we went to baked the potato. it was super fun! eating one after another.(: hahax. super fun! looking forward to another cooking session! (:

2005-06-10T22:08:00.000+08:00

the emerge conference was really EXTRAORDINARY! im already missing it already. the times we all came together to work real hard for the parade of schools. one the the events for the conference. well, our cluster didnt get first. but we're second. good job everyone! i think all of us did very well, i think our dance was very good.(: well, even though we didnt emerge ass the champion, its the process, the journey that matters more. we really had a great time rehearsing and practicing. i actually wanted to quit POS once, but luckily i didnt! if not i'll totally regret! love all you guys.(:

the services were all super good. you could really feel the tangible presence of God. it was amazing, awesome! love the services, preaching of the word. praise and worship. everything! really tired but enjoyed being in the presence of God. the last night we did nnot had to queue up and had seats at the floor area. heh. the seats were reserved for us already! (:

ONCE I HAVE TURN MY FACE FROM THEE
YET YOU SOUGHT ME AND YOU CLEANSED ME
MADE ME WHOLE AGAIN
JESUS MY SAVIOR
MY BELOVED AND FRIEND
YOUR PRAISES I BRING
FROM MY HEART I SING
DRAW ME, O DRAW ME AWAY
MESSIAH TODAY
TO YOUR PRESENCE TO STAY
O JESUS NOW CHANGE ME
AND MOULD ME THAT I CAN BE
EVERMORE TRUE TO THEE
YOU ARE THE SHEPHERD OF MY HEART
YOU HAVE BROUGHT ME TO YOUR CHAMBER
MY MASTER AND KING
YOU LIGHT UP MY DARKNESS
AND GAVE ME YOUR WORD
THAT YOU'LL NEVER FORSAKE ME
NOR NO EVER WILL LEAVE ME

loves this song many many. written by pastor Kong. really think that the lyrics are super meaningful. all thanks to yizhen for helping me find it. hees. really looking forward to next year's emerge!

2005-05-25T21:33:00.000+08:00

i really made up my mind. am taking pure sciences. pure science is always better than combined science. and it leaves the door open for you. you will always have more options and not constrained in ur choices in the future. well, no sowing, no reaping. guess i really got to put in more effort-alot more. i think i should stick with pure. at least i wont have to worry of having no science later on if i might need them. even if i dont need them, then its still knowledge that can stay with me. make decisions that will help u to win. not only now, but in the future.
___[Deep in ur heart, u know the right one to make. just that you have to scoop away the other distractions and temptations]___(:

2005-02-16T16:25:00.001+08:00

today stayed back to play bball.. there was dis relief teacher tt played wid us.. she's so cool.. and she was askin whether we want coachin.. haha.. den we played a short game wid her.. i was in e other team n obviously, we lost.. haha.. she was sayin she would ask e sch bout openin a bball team or some thing like tt.. she got her own coach oso.. n she was wearin pink.. haha.. so lookin forward to tmr.. haha.. tmr she's goin to play wid us..=]

today ro brought my long wanted n still-wishin-for-it book.. purpose driven life!! and i oso realised tt aggie oso got e book.. haha.. i read e first day le.. the book is nice!! go read it!!=]

0oh.. promise to tok bout my favourite mortal.. yizhen!! thx for ut toblerone.. haha.. i believe u will b givin me valentines present.. haha.. ur so faithful in taggin me oso..=]

u took my heart and lifted it high
den u let it fell.. hard.
and watch it broke into million pieces
for me to pick up and mend it
but... it can never be perfect again.
cuz there's a deep scar.. left by you.